Being a coach doesn’t always mean I have it all figured out. It means I’ve been through something, and I want to help to someone else get through it too.
I’ll be honest with you all. This first trimester has been more than a challenge. There has been nausea, food aversions, heightened sense of smell, sleeplessness, exhaustion, short temper, even depression. Due to the exhaustion I haven’t been able to workout or think clearly and because of the nausea I haven’t eaten like I normally would to properly fuel my body. I haven’t been as present in the lives of my loved ones or here for you as I would like to be. I have only been able to focus on getting through one day at a time, taking mental notes of anything that could be a trigger or what may help. Keeping up with my toddler has been, well, exhausting. I kinda feel bad for the kid as I’ve relied on the picture box babysitter way too much and know he is extremely bored. For a couple of weeks I could see the signs of depression, but couldn’t do anything about them. I lost interest in the things I normally love to do. I found it hard to laugh or see humor in much of anything. I even questioned why I wanted another child. There were a few days where my emotions and hormones got the best of me and I just broke down and cried. I knew the cause, and so did my doctor who I was very honest with. Neither of us were too worried. I know enough about depression to know when to seek help. I also know that when sleep finally does come, and food tastes good again, I will feel an energy and vitality like none other.
One other thing I know… Everything I’ve experienced in the past few weeks will all be worth it. When I feel this precious gift from God kick for the first time. The next time I get hear the heartbeat. When I find out whether it’s a boy or girl and start picking out names. When I hold him/her for the first time and fall in love all over again. When I get to workout again, and get my body back. 🙂 When I get to see him/her grow through all those wonderful milestones, and watch what an awesome big brother our son will become.
I’ve had two nights of great – albeit still interrupted – sleep and can already feel myself returning to “normal”. Hopefully I am turning the corner that leads to the second trimester energy boom. It will be a process. One that I am eagerly anticipating.
I share all this not just to get it out there. But if you or anyone you know have or are experiencing something similar, I want to encourage you. This is just a season. It will pass. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Don’t allow yourself to feel guilt. Growing another human is a difficult and emotional process. Luckily, we are never alone. We are surrounded by women who have done it before us. Hang on to whatever lifelines are available to you. Reach out. To a friend, a sister, a mother, or even me. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger. Know that I’m here for you, just as a few gracious women have been here for me.
Rest well, my fellow mommy friends. You are in my thoughts and prayers.